Escalation
A big focus of these ideas are, understanding the psychological processes that go on during workplace problems. There are plenty of other places that can give you legal advice of what to do, so we focus on helping you understand what’s happening behind the scenes, or under the surface of the human mind.
Escalation- a situation that gets out of hand
Escalation is conflict that is bigger than it ought to be. When the tension, anger, confrontation or heat of the situation has progressed more than the underlying problem merits. How much conflict a situation should merit is somewhat complex when examined, but to keep it simple, I’m sure we can all think of a situation (with friends, family, partner etc) where a little issue turned in a big argument. So maybe this column will help you with more than just work problems…
Why it happens: Fighting begets fighting
This one is obvious, although it happens all the time. The more you fight, the more the person you are fighting with fights back. So they respond, which leads you to fight back, and so forth into a vicious cycle.
Why it happens: It’s hard to get ‘just defending myself’ right
You may be thinking- ‘but I’m just defending myself, because I’m under attack’. It’s very difficult (if not impossible) to get this right- when does defence and resistance turn into attack? And who judges? Schools have to deal with this all the time, and it’s tricky to differentiate between ‘fighting’ and ‘sticking up for themself’.
Why it happens: provocation in the moment is only the truth to you
In the heat of any conflict you feel that you were provoked by the actions of the other party. What they said or what they did (to your mind) pushed you towards a conflictual act yourself. While at the time it made sense to you, it doesn’t quite make sense to a) other people, or b) you in the future. So while it may be true to you- there and then- that they provoked you, it’s not likely to stack up in the ‘cold hard light of day’.
Lines can be crossed that are impossible to come back from
A problem that escalates more than it ought, often leads to irreparable damage to the relationship between the employee and the organisation. Sometimes it’s just with their boss, and things can continue if they move departments, but even that isn’t a given. Once people have wound themselves up to fight, it’s hard to get back to a harmonious, trusting relationship.
A legal bill is often a point of no return
A significant act that is often a line crossed that can’t be returned from, is when lawyers get involved. Yes, this is advocates too. Once an employee spends money to legally defend themselves against the employer, it’s very difficult for the relationship to repair, because the employee didn’t trust the employer in that conflict, and won’t trust them again in the future.
Avoid escalation by: controlling how you say it.
Not what you say. Conflict happens in the workplace, it’s natural and unavoidable. But escalation happens from how we communicate, not what we say. Yes can defend yourself, but how you say is a big part of whether it blows up. There are many parts to how- tone, volume, body language, as well as the medium (verbal, email, text, in person or via zoom). Escalation happens due to how we communicate, not the facts and points we are communicating.
Avoid escalation by: leaving space for tactical retreat
It’s an old military maxim- if you surround your enemy, they either surrender or fight to the death. If you force conflict into a winner-takes-all scenario, the situation can escalate out of control. If the problem at hand is not actually a big deal, allowing the other party to move out of the conflict with their dignity can preserve the relationship.
‘But hang on’ you say. ‘Is that letting them get away with it?’ Maybe, but a) are the stakes that high that upholding the principle is more important than the relationship? Or b) are they only going learn the lesson (and do something different next time) if you grind their face in their error? Maybe, but maybe not.
Avoid escalation by: not feeding the beast.
One hand can’t clap by itself. Even if the other party is tense, angry, defensive, and spoiling for a fight, they can’t keep that up unless you reciprocate. Many conflicts can be de-escalated by the other party ignoring the other party wanting to fight. By talking to them as if they weren’t ‘fired up’, most of the time the situation will simmer down.
